I wonder....

I saw a post on Facebook yesterday that made me think about what my sons future might be. I am still ever hopeful that food allergies will get cured and that my sweet boy can again eat a peanut butter sandwich and not have to fear death . Food has become our curse , almost everything I find on shelfs are nut, peanut,egg and garlic ridden. It's hard just finding a box of cereal without cross contamination.  In a dream I see him growing up , playing every sport he wants to and navigating through this world with ease. I see graduation and I see him walking down the isle with his wife smiling and hear the cries of my grandchildren ( same sound as his sweet one the day he was born) . I see him going on to being the greatest father and mentor to his children and a successful person through hard work.. He has his fathers heart.. He knows how to fight and how to work hard.

I know it's not going to be that easy though, someday we will have another reaction. Some day I will be holding his hand asking him to be strong and fight! His father had the same struggles as a child. Needless to say my husband never told me this. I had my own struggles with the same thing and I am 25. I have had a few close calls with my newly diagnosed food allergies.. We have had many nights where a epi pen hovers over his  leg. I wanted to sign him up for T ball , but that will have to wait  till he is a bit older.. Most days it's just hard to get out the front door without an asthma treatment. He is strong and he knows it. I just hope he will fight hard when the time comes. I hope he won't tell me he is to tired to fight.  He told me last night that he hated having food allergies and that he wishes God didn't give them to him.. My son.. The fighter he is, finally broke down and said I am angry. I reminded him that not everything and not everybody has a normal life.. I reminded him I am walking hand and hand with him... He will never be alone.. 

Last night as he slept I made a picture of him.. See to me he is my superhero.. His big blue eyes and his little smile is enough to remind me that superheroes don't always wear capes.. They are normal humans with the power to impact hearts !! I know some people say not to say your child is a superhero because it makes false ideas in your head, and when they do not make a goal then it changes your view of them.. That's not true.. I see him as a person that has fought and won battles, that has his weaknesses and he has had down times before.. He has never failed however to touch the hearts of others. 

With all this I leave you all this

God gives us children to love and to hold, some are healthy and some arnt.. But to a mother their child will always be perfect.. Because he made them and designed them and he makes all that is perfect.. He made my son the way he wanted to.. He made my son the way his is!! I only was the vessel to bring his sweet spirit into human form.... 

Allergy friendly Spaghetti Sauce

Ok I Know some of my moms to food allergic kids have asked for my spaghetti sauce!! Ok as promised I will finally write a blog post about it!!

I normally do it by feel honestly, I have never really measured out the ingredients so i will give you the rough draft.

(3) 15 oz cans of diced tomatoes.
(2) 5  oz cans of tomato paste.  * you can also do one 15 oz can of tomato sauce for a more liquid sauce*
4 TBSP of minced dried onions or 1 large whole white onion.
4 TBSP of Italian seasoning WITHOUT garlic.
1 or 2 LB of ground beef, turkey, or sausage!!

I mix them all up and allow the meat to cook in with the sauce!! It takes about an hour to cook all the meat. If you want a stronger more robust sauce add sun-dried tomatoes or add some spice!!

Most parents with a Kid with a Garlic allergy most likely and in some cases have issues with onions. I have never had the problem. I have not find a sauce on the store shelves that are not free of garlic and most times find it frustrating that I have to mix something together that tastes just as good as the store bought!!

Learning to say goodbye.....

I don't normally write like this, but this is something tugging on my heart strings. As you all already know I and my son have food allergies. A few weeks ago I was in a odd situation where I had to think of it. No one wants to talk about it, it is almost taboo because we like to think with modern technology that one day  we will be immune to this. Unfortunately we are not.. I am talking about saying goodbye! I have witnessed death and moving on. I have read news stories where children and even some adults have been lost to a tragic mistake. I have said my condolences , even though I know that will never cure the heart of a grieving parent. It is like a band-aid over a gaping wound.. Its going to take years to recover and their will always be a scar. I have often gone back to the pictures and videos of my son and smiled, but then a pit settles in my mind. I shed a quite tear knowing one day , one mistake could take my sweet blonde hair and blue eye little boy.

 Most mothers think of what college will be like and what they are going to be. My worry is will there be a cure and what can I do to protect my son from the world. He is superman in a world full of kryptonight. His body treats food like a poison and It scares me. I have seen anaphylaxis first hand. I have seen a face go grey because of his body reacting.. I have done CPR.. No one will ever know how it feels unless they themselves have been through it..

After Peanut reaction 

another reaction

after being touched with peanut butter ( hives went down by the time we where at the hospital)

our days and nights after a reaction

My son and I are never apart really. He refuses to leave my side. I know a few times he went off without me with my parents or his dad. Every time we part we never say goodbye, we say see your later!! I refuse to say goodbye until it really is. I often daydream of how it will be without food allergies and hope, maybe one day there will be a cure.. Until then fight on super man, your mom ( otherwise know as wonder woman) will be there with you . I pray i will never have to learn to say goodbye.

I wrote this article in remembrance of the many lives lost to Anaphylaxis.. To their wonderful parents and families. God bless you and know that I am always thinking of you. 

Smile little boy blue...

Smile my little boy blue

Mommy sure misses you

Laughing and giggling 

At the small things you used to

Smile at the funny things

And live to the fullest

Life isn't about crying 

It can be a bore

But don't shut every open door.

Give something a chance 

Even though your scared to death.

Don't settle for less

Because your the best!

Your smile warms the soul

Your happiness is my goal 

I look at you and you remind me

Of how I would really like to be

 So Smile little boy blue

Mommy has learned so much 

From you! Your braveness , 

You courage, your endless idea about

The weather and the way the world spins

I don't even know where to begin. 

Smile my love . You're strength 

Wraps around me like a glove.

Don't give up

Smile little boy blue.. We all love you...

The raw feelings: What I need to say

Well most of the writing I have done was sporadic to this point. Most of it being because family issues, some because I have not had the time to write . I have had time to think over what I  was going to say in here and a lot of it is anger.. I was able to sit and watch something this morning that told me it is ok to grieve a situation... It is OK to be angry and hurt... even If you have faith in God.

My son does not have a terminal disease ... He isn't dying , He is just sick. Most people think that eczema and food allergies are just another condition that is blown out of proportion.  Most people think this is that overprotective mother who wants only organic cheese crackers for their kids or gluten free cookies to make sure their precious little one isn't getting fat of the conventional processed crap most of us eat on a daily basis. But food allergies and eczema can be deadly.. It can kill our little ones.. I cant tell you how pissed off I was when I was blamed for my sons skin! I cant tell you how depressing it was when CPS showed up at my house telling me that I needed to do better.. Fast forward 3 years and my 4 year old son has had two reactions and Had to have his Epi Pen's to save his life! I have begged and pleaded with people to understand where I am coming from and why it is so important to watch what you eat around my child. I am sick of you thinking that I am making it up!! If I made something so serious up then I would be a horrible person.. There is children who have died from this!!

Living a Food allergy Lifestyle is not easy.. It is constantly checking Labels and making foods homemade!! It is waking up to a coughing child with one hive and having an Epi pen close in case you feel they are having a reaction.. It's going to the ER and coming out with paperwork full of steroids so that you won't risk another reaction.. It's going in for skin pricks by the 100's that hurt and sting and then make him itch all over ( the lower back is peanuts) .I have a prayer that one day we can find a cure.. That we can give our little ones a care free life. I am sick of watching my son cry because he can't have a slice of pizza because of the garlic... I feel like a failure that I can't protect him from this.. I am mad I passed on my genetics to him that make him more prone to this. I hate that I love in a constant state of awareness , I want to relax and be able to enjoy life. 

You know what I want.. Better labeling!! This is a picture after eating a simple bowl of cereal that was cross contaminated .. It was not labeled for cross contamination.. But the company could not promise that it was not processed on a line that had nuts or peanuts.. I was enraged... This is my son... Hives burn.. They itch!!! They can't promise to protect my child from dying because they don't want to take the time to label...

This is after a loaf of bread that had a high oat content.. This is before we knew about Oats... 

This is my hell.. This is my life.. This is my son... Maybe if I put a face to this you all will get it... Until then look into his eyes.. Find your soul and help.. Don't just pass him by.. Don't just turn your head.. Respect him if you won't respect me...

How to deal with rude people with your childs food allergies

Well I had thought that I would never have to write this post , but it came true this weekend. Most of my Family and friends know that I am a big advocate of not only rights for children with food allergies, but I also want to bring awareness of the condition.. I am sad to say that some people cant keep their mouths shut... It took place a few months ago and I have been wanting so bad to write about it, but like most stuff that makes me mad... I have to take a few weeks to relax!!

We used go to the corner store to get my daily fix of caffeine( my Starbucks double shot or a cup of soda) . At the time I was standing in Line and Kason is fiddling in a box of reduced price food and candy. He picks up a bag of peanuts and cashews , in which I yank out of his hand and put back into the box and order him to come with me to wash his hands ( as I don't trust anything Nut related). I had him wash his hands and went back into line.. Of course he goes back to the same box and finds a candy bar that contains peanuts and asks for it..

Me: Can you eat stuff with nuts in it?

Kason: No mommy....

Me: What would peanuts and Nuts do to you?

Kason: Make me sick and I will need my Epi Pen

Me : you need to put it down now please...

Kason: ok mommy, can I have another candy?

Me: not right now....

Behind me I hear a scoff

Lady: Jeeze let the poor child have a candy bar!!

Me : Excuse me?

Lady: for Christ sakes let the kid have a candy bar..

Me: well you know what, he has a peanut allergy and this would kill him..

Lady: well if it is that bad, maybe you need to leave him at home..

By this point I am about ready to blow a fuse... I think of a smart remark and let her have it

Me: have you ever seen bubble boy?

Lady: yes....

Me: well then if you can find a way to cure my son or make a model of something that can shield him from peanuts and allergens do it, until then leave your opinion to yourself!

Lady: whatever!!

I walked home scoffing on how rude and wrong it was to be messed with because of his allergies.. But the more I thought of it , the more it made sense.. People really do not get it!! They dont understand Life and death because of foods... Sure a bee sting can kill, but food really? So many people think that food allergies are Just a overreaction of an overprotective parent, or a gastro bug like feeling you get when you eat week old meat ( I've done it) .. But it is more than that !! It's my son being injected with epinephrine . It's me sitting 3 hours in a ER room. Or it's me watching my sweet boy on life support or having to plan a funeral.. It's me having to put a small body in a casket and saying goodbye to the little boy that I have sacrificed my time , blood and life for ... I just wish people would see that.. We have lost over 5 children to food allergies and not one of the major news stations aired it!! Not one!!! 

I could have told the woman off and called her a heartless nobody, I could have educated her a little more.. I didn't do anything.. I was shocked.. It just comes to show how rude people are. My son however has taught me to let go of the small things and smile and live life at its fullest.. I hope one day he will find a kind way of reminding people.. I hope he will grow up with a soft heart and learn to help others.. Until then I will be his mama bear and protect him to the best of my ability..

My Thoughs on Eczema & Food Allergies: Part 3 How our life is now!!

Part 3:

After all the testing and after a few weeks I went through the house removing the last of the foods that we had left with allergens . Kason settled into his new routine with his medicine and his new sense of relief that foods he once was restricted to eat where added back. Now we are In a new world of foods  and recipes. I am cooking a lot more and not using the normal boxed dinner. I am active in my sons life and that is all I ever wanted . Most parents can go out to eat with not issues , but with my son there is few things I can actually feed my son from restaurants. I am active with other mothers what have children with food allergies and hopefully will make the FAAN  walk. I have his plan in actions if something does happen, if the worse should come. We also received another gift in a pediatric allergist about a month ago and I am in love!! I am blessed with the gift of a son who is now mostly eczema free and we don't have to worry about bloody sheets. We can walk around with no questions. We don't live in the ER anymore, we have freedom and fun like nothing at all has ever happened. He can go to places and play like he has no limits. We don't look at a small speech impairment or his allergies as a disability, but what makes my son unique to the world. We knew from the beginning that God was giving me a work of his hands and sometimes that's in the form of a sick child. Its hard to Love life when your child hurts, but you love them even more than it. You would sacrifice anything for them. If i could take it all away I would. His life is testament to why I think that every child no matter the health issue deserves a chance to shine just like he does!! His blue eyes and smile remind me that even with the biggest challenges it take a person strong enough to face them and achieve past what people say is impossible.. 3 years ago they said he would never walk, now he runs. They told me he would never talk , but his favorite thing to say is " I'M hungry!!" They told me that he would never have normal skin, but its as soft and beautiful as it was when he was born.