I wonder....

I saw a post on Facebook yesterday that made me think about what my sons future might be. I am still ever hopeful that food allergies will get cured and that my sweet boy can again eat a peanut butter sandwich and not have to fear death . Food has become our curse , almost everything I find on shelfs are nut, peanut,egg and garlic ridden. It's hard just finding a box of cereal without cross contamination.  In a dream I see him growing up , playing every sport he wants to and navigating through this world with ease. I see graduation and I see him walking down the isle with his wife smiling and hear the cries of my grandchildren ( same sound as his sweet one the day he was born) . I see him going on to being the greatest father and mentor to his children and a successful person through hard work.. He has his fathers heart.. He knows how to fight and how to work hard.

I know it's not going to be that easy though, someday we will have another reaction. Some day I will be holding his hand asking him to be strong and fight! His father had the same struggles as a child. Needless to say my husband never told me this. I had my own struggles with the same thing and I am 25. I have had a few close calls with my newly diagnosed food allergies.. We have had many nights where a epi pen hovers over his  leg. I wanted to sign him up for T ball , but that will have to wait  till he is a bit older.. Most days it's just hard to get out the front door without an asthma treatment. He is strong and he knows it. I just hope he will fight hard when the time comes. I hope he won't tell me he is to tired to fight.  He told me last night that he hated having food allergies and that he wishes God didn't give them to him.. My son.. The fighter he is, finally broke down and said I am angry. I reminded him that not everything and not everybody has a normal life.. I reminded him I am walking hand and hand with him... He will never be alone.. 

Last night as he slept I made a picture of him.. See to me he is my superhero.. His big blue eyes and his little smile is enough to remind me that superheroes don't always wear capes.. They are normal humans with the power to impact hearts !! I know some people say not to say your child is a superhero because it makes false ideas in your head, and when they do not make a goal then it changes your view of them.. That's not true.. I see him as a person that has fought and won battles, that has his weaknesses and he has had down times before.. He has never failed however to touch the hearts of others. 

With all this I leave you all this

God gives us children to love and to hold, some are healthy and some arnt.. But to a mother their child will always be perfect.. Because he made them and designed them and he makes all that is perfect.. He made my son the way he wanted to.. He made my son the way his is!! I only was the vessel to bring his sweet spirit into human form.... 

Allergy friendly Spaghetti Sauce

Ok I Know some of my moms to food allergic kids have asked for my spaghetti sauce!! Ok as promised I will finally write a blog post about it!!

I normally do it by feel honestly, I have never really measured out the ingredients so i will give you the rough draft.

(3) 15 oz cans of diced tomatoes.
(2) 5  oz cans of tomato paste.  * you can also do one 15 oz can of tomato sauce for a more liquid sauce*
4 TBSP of minced dried onions or 1 large whole white onion.
4 TBSP of Italian seasoning WITHOUT garlic.
1 or 2 LB of ground beef, turkey, or sausage!!

I mix them all up and allow the meat to cook in with the sauce!! It takes about an hour to cook all the meat. If you want a stronger more robust sauce add sun-dried tomatoes or add some spice!!

Most parents with a Kid with a Garlic allergy most likely and in some cases have issues with onions. I have never had the problem. I have not find a sauce on the store shelves that are not free of garlic and most times find it frustrating that I have to mix something together that tastes just as good as the store bought!!

Learning to say goodbye.....

I don't normally write like this, but this is something tugging on my heart strings. As you all already know I and my son have food allergies. A few weeks ago I was in a odd situation where I had to think of it. No one wants to talk about it, it is almost taboo because we like to think with modern technology that one day  we will be immune to this. Unfortunately we are not.. I am talking about saying goodbye! I have witnessed death and moving on. I have read news stories where children and even some adults have been lost to a tragic mistake. I have said my condolences , even though I know that will never cure the heart of a grieving parent. It is like a band-aid over a gaping wound.. Its going to take years to recover and their will always be a scar. I have often gone back to the pictures and videos of my son and smiled, but then a pit settles in my mind. I shed a quite tear knowing one day , one mistake could take my sweet blonde hair and blue eye little boy.

 Most mothers think of what college will be like and what they are going to be. My worry is will there be a cure and what can I do to protect my son from the world. He is superman in a world full of kryptonight. His body treats food like a poison and It scares me. I have seen anaphylaxis first hand. I have seen a face go grey because of his body reacting.. I have done CPR.. No one will ever know how it feels unless they themselves have been through it..

After Peanut reaction 

another reaction

after being touched with peanut butter ( hives went down by the time we where at the hospital)

our days and nights after a reaction

My son and I are never apart really. He refuses to leave my side. I know a few times he went off without me with my parents or his dad. Every time we part we never say goodbye, we say see your later!! I refuse to say goodbye until it really is. I often daydream of how it will be without food allergies and hope, maybe one day there will be a cure.. Until then fight on super man, your mom ( otherwise know as wonder woman) will be there with you . I pray i will never have to learn to say goodbye.

I wrote this article in remembrance of the many lives lost to Anaphylaxis.. To their wonderful parents and families. God bless you and know that I am always thinking of you.